1st T's Correction of Story by P.Milicevic

Pedja, this is completely different from what is required in the task. First, FCE limit is 180 words, and your composition has 617! The task should be predominantly written in narrative tenses (past simple, past perfect, past continuos). Please read the instructions in your textbook. There are also some inconsistencies - if he is the owner of the shop, why would he call a boss for the code? How could the girl inside the safe know the code?

John is a man who owns a jewelry shop in New York. He had lots of customers every day who were interested for gold, silver and many other things. One day his collogue Maria Peterson, who he has not seen before, wanted to come to pick up some documents. That day he had a customer with her daughter wanted to buy something. John wanted to show the woman some jewelry from the huge safe witch was unlocked. He took the jewels and left the safe, but he didn’t saw the little girl who went inside. When she was looking around the doors suddenly closed. John and the mother of the girl were busy with choosing rings, so they haven’t seen what happened. When the mother wanted to ask her daughter witch one does she likes, but behind her was nobody. Although she called her there was no answer. John began to search for the little girl Natalie. When he passed the safe he heard someone was shouting “help”. He knew that it came from the safe .He wanted to opened it but it was locked. “Open the safe” the mother shouted
“I cant, Its locked!”
“Use the code to open it”
“The boss has it I just have to call him.”
John phoned him but he wasn’t available
“What shall we do now?” she asked,
“Ill call the locksmith to break in”
15 minutes latter he came. When he saw the safe he said
“This is a very strong safe ,ill need 2 hours to get it opened, and the girl has only air for maybe 30 minutes”
At that time Maria Peterson came. She had seen that something isn’t all right.
“Can I have a try?” she asked,
“OK, have a try.” The locksmith answered.
She sat beside the safe and said
“Natalie, we are going to play a little game now.”
“Why?” she asked
“Trust me, just don’t panic”
“OK.”
“Now tell me left or right?”
“Left”
“Now tell me a number between 1 and 100!”
“36.”
“Again left or right?”
“Right!”
“Again one number!
“87”
“Again left or right?”
“Right!”
“Now a number!”
“17”
“OK, this is the last time, left or right”
“Right!”
“And now, tell me the last number!”
“I cant do this no more, Im to tired.
Natalie could not breath normally, the air was getting thinner and thinner.
“Natalie, just one more number, please!”
“…1”
After that in the safe was very still. She must have lost her consciousness.
Than the women started to tipe the positions and numbers on the safe.
“Left 36,right 87,right 17 right 1” she said while she was tipping. She pulled the door handle, but the safe won’t open.
She couldn’t believe it, she was shore that it would be the right combination. She started thinking, and than said
“It wasn’t right 1, It should be left 1!”
So again she started tipping, and when she tipped the last number, there was a “click” sound. When she pulled the door handle the safe had opened itself. The mother took her out of It and after one minute she had her consciousness back. The locksmith told them that if she would have stayed in there any minute longer she would be there. Everyone was busy with the child, so nobody had seen that Maria had left. A half hour later a women came in the shop and asked
“Hello, Im Maria Peterson and I came here to pick up the documents.”
John couldn’t believe what he had heard. If this is Maria, who was the woman who saved the girl. When John got into bed that night, he could hardly believe what had happened that day.